God. I look like such a fucking stand up guy wearing polo shirts. You would totally trust me not to date rape you.
The old saying is "its not the size of the boat-- but the motion of the ocean" is obviously for those on the "Small side." I am of the belief that "You can't churn butter with a toothpick"
after he handcuffed me and put me in the back seat, "Mrs. Officer" started playing, I thought maybe this could be my escape
you yelled that ur labia majora was swollen at 3 am in the dorm hallway
you sat in the middle of your kitchen floor feeding your dog blueberries one by one
all I know is I'm really rwfly really really stoned and a bunch of Korean people are yelling at me
Do you think a former stripper/heroin addict constitutes as a high risk sexual partner?
Can we have a celebratory fuck now that the lockout is over?
You're the best girlfriend ever.
My plan to masturbate 34 times on my 34th birthday backfired. Do you still have those crutches?
Copy that. Decided to shower with a beer in a glass bottle. Gotta stop the bleeding first. Be there is 20
Two words: blizzard sex
No clue what you did last night, sorry. You did hand me a pizza and a mason jar with $1200 in small bills in it when I let you in though.
This may sound strange but do you have my pants?
You tried to trade them for some girls skirt... So she has them...
You asked me if I ever met a talking rock and when I said no, you looked me dead in the eye and said today was my lucky day then you crawled into a ball and started talking...that high.
yeah i ran into him at the bar at 11pm. he started talking about engineering and the next thing i know it's 4am and i'm naked on top of him.
Randomize
