what if the hokey pokey really is what its all about?
Dude I gave him a bj because he was upset about the NFL draft, if that doesn't lock it down, i don't know what does
It took him longer to remove his skinny jeans than it did for him to finish. I didn't even have time to realize it sucked until it was already over.
Every time I hit my bowl my neighbors set off fireworks... I stop, they stop. I start again, they start again. Too high for this.
I'm walking down the street with a Starbucks in one hand and a flask in the other. People seem to have a staring problem
he said that he wanted to outsmoke the rain, I don't know what that means but I'm gonna go help him
Set off the fire alarm in our dorm at 2:30 am last night. 150 Naked people wrapped in towels shared a bag of popcorn with me as we watched the firefighters frantically search for my burnt popcorn in the building.
OMG THAT WAS YOU?!
Talk me down man. Writing a paper drunk and about to buy Celine Dion's greatest hits.
Her fucking playlist had randy newman on it. It was like woody was watching the whole time.
You kept asking the bartender if you could "buy a dollar".
I wrote "fuck you meg" on my toaster strudel with the icing. I call it "passive aggressive breakfast"
His fucking flight got canceled because the president stopped at the airport he was flying out of... Fuckin Obama literally just cock blocked me
I need a fuck buddy with more available hours
This morning when you were fucking me you said you'd go to the store and get me tampons and a 30 pack
I look forward to getting really drunk tonight and startling some rando’s mother tomorrow morning while she’s up early making a turkey
It’s a holiday tradition at this point
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