Your vagina is a self cleaning oven.
his internet history is a lot of porn, how to make a hovercraft and side-effects of jacking off too much
I'm playing wingman, but I want to pull a Goose and die.
the bouncer kept askin you for id just to see how long it would take you to find your pants
if by 'bottleservice' you mean 'bringing beers in my purse' then yes, we are.
The voicemail says i shouldn't bother ever showing my face there again, i don't understand
We visited your boss last night. guess you wont be paying the rent this month, eh?
I caught him with his head in the spinach bag this morning. He was laughing demonically saying, "i love spinach, yes I do."
DO IT, or I'll send you pictures of my hickey to remind you of your loneliness
Also, horsecock action starts in about a month. Have you prepared yourself yet?
You're not stopping till I see you on the ground trying to hold on to shit
On a unprofessional note, there's a new girl in photo.
That wasn't unprofessional. The fact that I'm going to fuck her is unprofessional.
Well let me fuck you while I make potatoes. It's every girls dream
A German guy asked me to take a bath with him. I can't tell if he's just an eccentric European or a run of the mill creep.
I love him about as much as I'd love fucking myself with a cactus.
For someone I see at the bar by herself all the time... I should have know she had a tazer.
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