FYI you just passed out mid-blow job. Consider this my letter of resignation.
They both invited me to family dinner Sunday. Secretly dating two sisters just got real.
I'm at this kids house trying to figure out if I pissed in his kitchen new years eve. Lmao, stop letting me drink.
She has either a C-Section scar or a bullet wound, I can't quite tell
Ya know what's been the best part of this College Football Season? Not having to hear Brent Musberger say the Honey Badger 77 fucking times.
Next time she asks for a ride to her "cousins" house and it turns out to be a booty call we're charging her for each mile.
I'm gonna write a book one day about how to be the less attractive person girls settle for after getting dumped. I will send you a copy
Dude. Where are you? There's a hot chick drunkenly dancing on the bar and aggressively taking shots to Pink songs. She looks like she needs a rebound. Get. Here. Now.
FUCK NYC TRAFFIC.
I'm currently on a bowling date with my girlfriend and her boyfriend. It's pretty fun.
my only goal for the semester is never go to my wednesday class sober
AND I HAVE A NICE COCK! A STRIPPER TOLD ME SO IT MUST BE TRUE!
Get ready tonight we are going to get drunk and pierce my nipples
HE WILL NEVER BE ONE OF US. HE WILL NEVER BE A DECENT, GOD-FEARING WHORE.
Refresh my memory....were we forced to leave or did we choose to leave?
Nobody on Tinder wants to give you a Blumpkin.
Randomize
