you threw up out the window, wiped your face with a twenty dollar bill, and threw that out the window too.
did we at least go back and get it?
how else do you think we got jack in the box...?
all you kept yelling was "i'm bored and i'm sober"
Be honest with Daniel. He was a good rebound to you for nine months and he made it so you could be with the one you really love and care for now. Just tell him thanks and best of luck.
He came to the party late, didn't bring tacos, and then asked what shennanigans we were getting into. I swear I will never fuck another hipster.
If graduating leads me to stop getting naked at inappropriate times in public places I'm going to be pissed
It's like a double rainbow in both sides of the sky mixed with The Jeffersons.
New York City is dangerous when the only bars you go to are the ones that have 'open' in front
1) I'm a decent drunk texter. 2) My world is spinning. 3) I'll give you a dollar and a hug for a glass of water. 4) I love you. 5) Example: your penatrive ways are overwhelming my alternative lyfestyle. 6) That is all.
7) Noodle arms: engage
The example was me just using big words while hammered. You're welcome. Ambidextrious. I spelled it right.
Eye drops are like seatbelts of being high. Think about it
If God invented something better than rough, drunken, lesbian sex he kept that shit to himself.
I'm just going to ride dicks all the way to the to the gates of hell
I love FaceTime, every time you ring me the morning after its like I went home with your one night stand too.
I just threw up a strange neon green substance. Did I eat a glow stick last night?
I just typed "I've got a friend" and my phone autocompletes to "that's a dick appointment". What is my life.
It’s amazing such a big dick belongs to such a boring guy
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