I think scott just propositioned me for sex
After last night, I could never be a politician.
Good seeing you too. Don't worry, you didn't miss out on too much last night. We went to a place where there was supposed to be a wet t-shirt contest, but it was more like two ugly girls dancing around on stage in white shirts. Everyone just wanted them to leave so the band could keep playing
I woke up naked dangling by my feet from the balcony over his foyer. He's officially my new favorite booty call.
she's drunk at 2 in the afternoon again. at least my mother is predictable.
Yep. How's your hangover?
It's like I fucked its sister and it's getting back at me.
He keeps texting me videos of fish swimming in his fish tank, so I think it's safe to say he's back on weed.
Son of a bitch took my liquid eyeliner
You have all semester to unpack your car, quarter jello shots only last until 10.
I feel as though I look like a mom with a substance abuse problem
You're breaking my sexual little heart
So anyways, we returned the toilet paper and decided to use the money for taco bell and slurpees instead...
His mom wants to come see the dorm.
Hide the whip.
Step one: We finally agreed on an au pair that we both wanna fuck.
It probably doesn't matter because I'm drunk...but I'm sorry for getting you drunk, having you almost lose your place to live, all your friends, permanently lose your liver functions, throwing up on my floor, losing virginity...etc...mostly I'm sorry for making you watch: cabin in the woods.
Randomize
