Just got a citation from campus security for an "accordion disturbance."
I may or may not be laying in bed naked watching The Nanny. Niles is so spunky.
definition of desperate: He gave me his SC drivers license so i wouldn't forget to facebook him.
The bride says you won't want any of the single ladies...
Let's let the open bar be the judge of that.
I just found him singing into an empty paper towel roll while microwaving an empty ice cream carton. I'm gonna run away now.
I NEVER left your party last night of anyone asks.
Yeah, I didn't wake up handcuffed to my bed either.
He just remixed a spongebob song with 2 chainz..... Clearly I love him
Oh. My. God. Dad smoked a bowl. He's been playing cards...I just told a story and when I was done, he got really close to my face and very seriously asked me if he had cheese in his beard. I'm about to die.
Best feedback on my performance so far: "There are things that can't be unseen."
I mean I'm not gay but a hundred bucks is a hundred bucks
Nothing like banging your nurse in the shower while staying in the hospital
Why did this happen to me why did I have to meet him if I could go back in time I never would have grabbed his dick
like stop just cause your whole life has been one enormous reject pile does not mean that i have to suffer too
He congratulated me by offering up free orgasms.. I told him I also had a birthday last month we needed to celebrate.. He was there in ten minutes.
I'm hiding in my office refusing to turn the light on holding puke down stealing and shoveling down the meeting snacks and regretting my poor life choices. goldfish crackers are like crack to me right now. how is your day?
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