We dont have to go to dinner or anything gay like that. I just wanna do it.
I absolutely love you.
You were pretty fucked up... decided playing hopscotch down the stairs was an excellent idea.. it was extremely entertaining
Taking shot for every red box on your worst bracket. I have 30. I might die tonight.
He turned me down because he was still doing his taxes.
I was just laughing and almost crying after I orgasmed, and then almost crying because I was laughing so hard. That's new.
Does he think you're psycho?
Officially...... yes.
If I don't go to Australia I'm using that towards a new car. If I do I'll use it to buy a koala.
You just kept screaming "COME GET ME OFFICER, MY ALLIGATOR MEANS BUSINESS" while swinging a beanie baby alligator at him.
His dick was so bent it was like fucking captain hook's hand for 2 hours
Ever since the Christmas fiasco of '08, I can no longer watch Rudolf the Red nosed reindeer without getting a hard on
She's the queen of dating. She managed to get a date with a guy who saw her puke five times in two hours.
Do you ever look at someone's Snapchat story and think ‘you told me you would eat my ass’?
The highlight of the trip was definitely my dad telling me that I "used to be his prettiest daughter."
We had sex and I never took my mets hat off... I feel like Duda knows and approves.
I woke up this morning to my panties draped around the neck of an empty bottle of bulleit. That is the perfect visual metaphor for my life at this juncture.
It's only 9 and these two girls are already walking around Walmart barefoot and holding their heels. WE NEED TO STEP IT UP.
Randomize
