wtf he couldnt undo my bra, i asked him if it was his first time and he said "with a girl? yeah"
IM NOT LETTING YOU PEE ON ME IF THATS WHAT YOURE GETTING AT.
Your the only friend that would realize I'm gonna get drunk and send coke to me at a bar before I made drunken phone calls for it. You sir complete me.....
Do you think he woke up this morning, looked at you, and then regretted everything?
I am on a roof. I'm not sure which one, or why, or how, but I am on a roof and you should come get me. I can see info classrooms!
Duuuuuuuude, I need you to sleep with my girlfriend so I can tell you both to move out
I actually have to watch Breaking Bad to make me feel better about my choices last night.
I just drove my booty call to his booty call, if that isn't spreading the love, I don't know what is.
Only ESPN could find the two ugly girls from a school in Florida
I didn't know where you were for like 15 minutes and then I went in the bathroom splashing water on the mirror and throwing hand towels around saying that you were "redecorating"
Hey remind me the get the pancakes out of my jacket
Maybe if I ever do become a counselor, I would just implement a kind of intensive meme therapy.
Your life is a soap opera of great sex, cats, and booze.
My life is just a trash fire of work and Japanese video games now
So my best friends wedding ended with everyone seeing me getting eaten out behind the forbes church. Classy!
Randomize
