he shattered multiple jars of jelly against his roommates doors last night. this morning the asian one wouldn't even talk to him because he thought he was gonna get beaten up
I don't think its a good idea if I moon a whole bar again
felt a little awkward waiting for my McNuggets after vomiting all over the counter
its not that she doesnt like having sex with you, your balls just smell worst then your ass.
The fact that I pulled something plastic out of my mouth after taking that shot is starting to concern me.
I think I found out what we're going be for Halloween....Alcohol poisoning victims.
She told me to act like the hulk during sex. Shit got 9 different shades of weird
I think our prof has caught onto our drinking game. He burst into the room with a big smile on his face and yelled "essentially! Essentially! Essentially!"
I had a dream I gave a blow job to a guy whose dick forked off into two. I'm going to spend the rest of my life confused.
Help everyone's hot
Men are hot women are hot non-binary people are hot aliens are hot
Drank your wedding present. Sorry
You know your life has gone downhill when someone has to preface your night with "don't get locked in a porta potty"
and then after the older sorority girl asked me his name she said "he gave me the rest of his mcdonalds and I decided to go home with him. it was the best that I could hope for my night"
Can I come over and get it in, take a nap in ur bed, grab some poptarts and then leave?
You haven't lost that air of class about you...
They left me at home... I'm a liability
Randomize
