Last night he was fingering me with one hand to his ear, calling himself 'dj clittles'
Thats what happens when go home with guys that wear shutter shades to the bar..
I realize now. I should have just made out with everyone and anyone when I had the chance.
I was sitting behind this girl in class and she logged out of her facebook, hacked into her boyfriends, and then proceeded to check his inbox. This is why I'm single.
Is it bad that when I see babies I feel bad for them because its going to be forever until they are 21?
you passed out when you kept trying to hold your breath during the underwater scenes of 2012
Crashed the mayor's bday party, no list for some reason. Wore suits. Ludacris was there.
Just bought a 17 year old 40's while wearing a poncho. This behavior is acceptable until I'm 25.
I need to stop drinking and eating and start working out. I look like the lovechild of John Goodman and Jabba the Hutt.
She pulled up to the bar in a limo, wasted, and alone. Gets out, shrugs and slurs "I couldn't find a cab" and proceeds to take a shot.
I'm in love.
The fact that I took a nap during my midterm shows exactly how I handle being an adult
So that 100 days of sobriety thing I told you about last week? Lasted all of 4 days. Fuck it, life's too short
I am sorry. I am also on acid.
Got a high five from a Superman stripper tonight
Omg my orgasm just made the fucking sun come out. Clearly my libido controls the weather now.
drunkkkkk be here I heart you
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