We basically counted to 3 and then dumped each other.
Let's just say there's a reason that "suede" rhymes with "laid".
the last thing i remember was trying to convince him to call over his girlfriend so we could have a threesome
In a tragic sexting typo, I typed the word "blobjob". Now she's coming over and I have no idea what I'm in for...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
dont call me baby and dont touch my ears. ITS ALL I ASK
The next time you try to involve a tickle me Elmo in my orgasm, I'm leaving you
Just put your hair in a bun. We're going out to drink, not to impress people.
What do you need? A swimsuit and a liver of steel? What else?
I'm covered in mustard and it looks like I nose dived in to barbed wire ??? Was last night that good?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I hate having to put a bra on before I go home cuz I have to pretend I actually went to class today
I almost had sex in a public restroom last night in case you're wondering how much of a mess 22 is for me
YOU HAVE PISSED AND FUCKED ON LITERALLY EVERYTHING IN MY HOUSE
Not everything, just a few things. And only a few times. The odds are really not all that bad when you break it down.
you’ve pissed every time you slept over. there’s no such thing as odds anymore. it’s guaranteed
he threw an umbrella that he ripped out of the table at the fence like he was harpooning a whale while the owner of the bar was outside then tried to blame it on an old man...
There's no sexy way to moan the name Ernest. Or Ernie. This relationship is fucked
so i'm with my friends driving on the highway and just saw a guy in the car next to us sucking on a dildo. can't make this shit up.
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