I'm pouring my heart out in these texts and you're going around showing everyone???
I'm trying this new thing, it's called standards
A homeless man in dtwn SF was blasting lil wayne and singing at the top of his lungs. I kinda wanted to give him my life savings
For what it's worth, your chances of anal go up the more she loves you. There's always a silver lining.
I no longer question where these bruises come from... between the strip pole in the living room, the slipnslide in the hallway and our constant level of intoxication I will always be bruised...
They gave me a glowstick necklace to wear so they could locate me if I wandered off into the woods
He kept his baseball cap on when he went down on me...
I sleep with the gay men, they no longer have questions about their sexuality. No strings attached at it's finest and i get new shopping buddies out if it. It really is a win win situation.
You are my idol.
You played "let it burn" by usher 28 times, knocked over the 36 gallon fish tank, and passed out in the kitchen. Yeah...That drunk.
He's a Shit stain on my heart
That's right. I did.
You are the saddest 25 year old gay man I've ever had the displeasure of knowing.
I lost my vibrator temporarily and for some unknown reason my first thought was that you might have stolen it. But then I realized you would never do that because you know it keeps me from killing people. But I am overtired and lacking in faith.
If you ever "miss" working, I'm going to fist you with my hulk hands. BOTH of them.
Help. I am eating nachos. But I'm with some guy. I need help. I don't know where I am. The nachos were so good. I'll bring them but help me.
God damn. You sleep with one 40 year old married dude and suddenly you have “daddy issues”. Fuck all of you.
Randomize
