how much land on farmville do you have now? i sold all my shit to make room i need more money... these animals need to know I'm running a business not a charity.
I'm walking down the street with a Starbucks in one hand and a flask in the other. People seem to have a staring problem
btw when he was trying to sleep i was apparently poking him in the face w my 'flipper' slurring random manatee facts
she just made some guy spank her... then made some chick take a running start and spank her.
I just realized I have yet to puke in your new apartment. Clearly we're doing something wrong. On my way over with Cuervo as I type.
Somehow it went from suicide to pierced nipples. I think we're good.
I just duct taped myself into my costume. I apologize in advance if you find me in a compromised position involving duct tape and underwear when you get home tonight
Hardest I think I've ever had to work for a shack. Whatevs. Still gonna get my way though. I'll start respecting myself on Monday
List 10 things your GF won't do for you, and we can work through that list.
I rubbed his back while he puked for an hour and then ended up getting laid when I tried to put him to bed, best puke and rally I've ever seen.
I just spent 5 minutes saying how beautiful you are and you come back with dont get fat cause you have weird nipples.
I'm all set for mothers day, I let her beat me in beer pong.
Let's be honest, I am pretty sketchy looking.
Saw your dad at the bar last night... And again this morning when he left. Told you not to mess with me bitch.
New one isn't as good asmy ex. She won't put her tongue up my butt
Peter this is your "ex"
I stand by what i said
Randomize
