I am drinking with my family and the average drinking tolerance is a shot and a half. I feel like the incredible hulk.
Why can't I find a man that likes bush instead of a vagina that looks like it belongs to a prepubescent child!
Because men are children
Touche
If one more "stranger" walks up to me at the bar and asks how I have been, I am going to rehab.
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but my underwear and it was on backwards and my entire body is too sore to move...
Im glad someone is finally more of a drunken slut than I am.
Waking and baking has revolutionized how i brush my teeth. Seriously up to like 25 min everry morn. Highly recommend
No, no... it's pale and surrounded by awkward, curly, red hair. It's the Ronald McDonald of penises.
it's a simple rule - pass out shirtless on the couch, become an airsoft target.
She spilled creme de menthe on her crotch and I told her she looked like a menstruating Vulcan (costume idea!). Obviously, I went home alone.
Oh god iv'e slept with this police officer before oh god oh god
His dick was so bent it was like fucking captain hook's hand for 2 hours
my new game is to try to use the phrase "explosion in your mouth". as much as possible on tinder.
One last thing: he lists glow sticks and tacos as things he can't live without. How would we not be friends??
I swear if you get so drunk that I have to sing Bohemian Rhapsody to you again to get you to come out of the bathroom I'm leaving you at the bar this time.
Also barcrawl friday. You ARE wearing a tiara
I screenshoted his dick pic the other day because it literally looked like a brontosaurus. Like that really tall dinosaur that eats grass. Like I wanna draw a face on it.
Randomize
