I hate ducks.
What?
they're sketch. like squirrels. squirrels are sketch as fuck.
Can you check your dirty laundry bag for my tooth.
im just glad that if you were going to have awkward hospital sex, you would want it with me
I swear I only do things like fuck 19 yr olds just to hear how you laugh when I tell you.
hey i found one of your nipple clamps under my couch, i miss you!
Tell your friends I said hi and that if they touch your penis I'll cut off their hands.
The video of him doing the dougie made me telling him I didn't want a relationship, just his virginity so much easier.
you were so blacked last night that you jumped in the lake fully clothed, then just went back to the bar and walked around like you weren't soaking wet.
I am having the most awesome nonsexual conversation about my vagina right now
My neck is PURPLE. This is NOT a good day to be indoctrinated by the cardinal...
I'm more than my video games and dildo collection
We just fucked each other sober. #goteam
So, I ran into Garrett last night in the laundry room.
Oh really? First post break-up run in. How'd it go? Awkward?
Um. We had sex on a washing machine.
I keep worrying the police are going to come looking for us.
For which one? Starting a fire on my porch or having sex on my porch?
Now I know Sunday Funday means fucking till you loose your voice.
Randomize
