I'm playing musical beds - it's not very fun
dude, I'm watching paul blart mall cop. I have better things to do than listen to you whine about your recent divorce.
I got my nipple pierced! I love it so much!
Well, there goes breastfeeding.
so he shaved. down there. and before he took his pants off i thought it was hot but then all i could think about were the naked mole rats from 7 grade science class.
I'm tuning in to watch Heidi Montag crash and burn on the Miss Universe Pageant. Somebody call 911. and I'm not talking about the Sean Kingston song.
I didn't think moms care packages could get better than greygoose, weed & double stuffed oreos, but she just snet me a chocolate bar full of mushrooms.
I've hooked up with three guys in my accounting class. I'm beginning to think my teacher failed me so I can start getting laid again.
Just found puke on my backpack while sitting in class. It's like this weekend won't leave me alone.
Why did you send me 12 pictures in a row of your expressionless face at 2:30 am?
I'm cutting her off I can't have my good name soiled with these kinds of shenanigans
Shit is preposterous
She said, I've heard about you, from girls you wouldn't even be interested in. What?
It hurts to hear and I can smell shapes.
I'm excited I love mornings when I'm not sober
She started waving a nerf rifle around and demanding free booze.
Have you considered murder?
Other than my credit score and this bowl of oatmeal, not really. It's very messy
Randomize
