I've been reduced to Capt. Morgan and Golden Girls reruns. Ugh.
TBS has betrayed me by telling me tyler perry is funny
He came on me while singing crank dat like soulja boy, fuck our sex life has reached a whole new level of low
I feel as though I could trust her, I mean she did tell me she was married before we had sex.
i pretended i was deaf and got a girl to come home with me
Freedom, beauty, truth, and love to all. I also probably have syphilis
she just blew up the empty bag of wine and used it as a floatation device.
Just pulled back my covers. Jizz. Jizz everywhere. Hipster jizz everywhere on my only set of sheets.
If he thinks that that is an acceptable way to ask me out he is out his goddamn ginger mindddddd.
At this point i guess a traditional, non-life-threatening pity fuck is too much to ask for
You should be glad you didn't come with last night. I watched pirate porn for the first time in my life as the 9th wheel.
Seriously? People are paying $45 for Surge?!? I've seen better one night stand decisions being made then the choices being made on amazon orders of Surge
I mean honestly, what would you have done?
Not screw her in the church house?
He told me he sees me like a sister then 10 mins later tried to make out with me.
I wish I could be the kind of drunk Bobbi is... She stumbles around outside at 4am with a broken high heel and babbling about rainbows and getting dick...
Randomize
