Are you okay?
Don't worry. Self-respect preserved. My speech was Grey's quality... I made him cry.
Neighbors just bought a new bong. Got high with them and we decided to name it "Gary colemans sweet sugarlumps" these guys are hilarious
Weddings at vineyards should never be allowed to happen. I'm pretty sure I drank every bottle they produced in 2008.
I didn't realize how much I missed him until his balls were back in my mouth..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
When I woke up in the parking lot today I decided it is not a good idea to hang out with you anymore.
Facebook stalking a girl from Germany is harder then you think.you have to copy and paste all this shit into freetranslations.com then try and piece together an awkward sentence. If only I could put this energy into something productive.
Changed it back. Somehow I didn't think my profile pic should be me shirtless on ecstasy, ya know?
theres a kid in a leopard robe and sunglasses filling up a gas tank. i miss college
Take advantage man but know that every anal bead u drop inside her will make her love u 2% more. It's science
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Then you started asking people on the drunk bus if they knew the word "gumption". if they didn't you told them they weren't taking advantage of their high education opportunities and you were disappointed in them.
You made me pull over because you thought a leaf was a twenty rolling across the road.
Water skiing blazed is the most scary thing I've ever done.
You are one of my favorite baseball you have fun today
I accidentally sent him a snapchat of my boobs and now we're going on a date tomorrow... Could be worse.
Ugh hungover at a laundromat is a terrible feeling. For some reason I keep getting sucked into staring at the clothes spinning around and around and it makes me want to profusely projectile vomit everywhere
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