Tell Heather sorry for burning her hair. Also for anything else that I may have done that warrants and apology. Anything after about 10pm is kind of hazy.
I cant go down on him yet. All ive had to eat is olives and percocet. semen would only add to tomorow mornings discomfort.
Every night before bed, when I used to say prayers, now I just think to myself 'freshman sluts. Soon'
Dude give me 4 good reasons we shouldn't trade girlfriends tonight
I knew the only reason I bought a smartphone was to play "You're Havin My Baby" on the way to cvs to buy Plan B.
He called me while he was having sex and asked if I wanted to go get mcdonalds
The best, and by the best I mean the worst, was the 7 month along pregnant chick in the skin tight body suit.
I think we might have a drinking problem when the ASU kids called us crazy
No one made them take a shot with us at the 12 hour mark. That's their bad
Well waking up naked, covered in Chex mix is not how I planned to start my Wednesday if that's what you're getting at.
Just in case you blacked out, we had sex, you came in me, we need plan B, we fell off your top bunk, broke your roommates chair, i still like you, but i'm in pain and am going to bed
Wait, how many people just saw my dick?
It was a crazy night: tears were shed, blood was spewed, and bottles were emptied.
there's a bowling ball in the dishwasher and a dog bone in the freezer
Let's get this straight. I am six fucking feet tall. Do you even understand how limited my options in guys to date are? No. Did you see my last three boyfriends? I looked like a fucking giant next to them. So I will fuck this six-foot-seven Italian model even if I am the ugliest girl at this party because, goddammit, I deserve to.
We were talking about kinky shit, and I suggested a hand job in church.
How'd that go over?
Praise the lord and pass the lotion.
Randomize
