Holy wow, I found all the old poems u wrote me back when we were in looooooooove...just sort of wild to look back on, thought u'd like that
I think i can make this amish girl legitimately hot.
Exactly. So he deserves crazy "thanks for keeping me out of jail" sex. Or an "I'm glad your excessive cocaine habit had some positive outcomes" blowjob.
Ahahhahaha I'm not that stupid but then again I thought cabo was in Africa until yesterday
A guy in a banana suit just got the whole bus to participate in a call and response version of Bohemian Rhapsody. HERO
So immediately after we finished having sex she started singing, "The Circle of Life", put her clothes on and then just left. I think I'm in love.
It's called the dick transitive property. It states if you touch a person whilst they touch a dick, you are also touching said dick.
Just finished off half a bottle of vodka. Can't take in anymore liquids so I ate 3 spoonfuls of your powdered gatorade to fight off the hangover. Wish me luck and check me for a pulse when you get in!
Oh Jesus. Are you going to the hospital?
No I'm showering then leaving for Vegas
Let's go get coffee and handcuffs.
We got caught fucking on the couch while I was in my Godzilla onesie.
He propositioned me for a threesome once so yeah I'd say he has what it takes to run for public office
This might be the worst thing you've ever done.
Really? I feel like I've done worse. Guess I gotta step my game up.
We kicked down a door together last night, pretty sure that qualifies us as best friends.
Weird. And pubic lice are now endangered so your hairy balls can rest easy
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