Just saw a homeless guy with a sign that said "Family abducted by aliens. Need money for ransom" and on the back of the sign it said "And it's only $.88"
you would pick up someone in the library
The girl next to me in class is taking notes on woman's suffrage with a girls gone wild pen.
He blow dried my hair while I sucked his dick. Now THAT'S fucking teamwork.
We don't need a hotel, we'll just sleep in the post office.
well... just scaled a wall and entered the bar through the balcony. just making some last minute memories nbd.
Sometimes you gotta take mushrooms and swim on a rooftop pool to figure out your relationship
Did you know there is a guy on the porch, wrapped in your snuggie, singing no woman no cry and drinking wine coolers?
She just asked what would happen if you put a vacuum in your butt and turned it on. These are our conversations.
Major life highlight, she said my dick taste like coffee.
Did we seriously just get into a fist fight over kit kats?
Come on, will you just fuck him so we can watch Star Wars.
I just want to bone him one last time before he moves across the country with his new (average looking) girl friend.
Well, I could just slap my dick to my phone and see what it says
It's the Ides of March, motherfucker. That means we're supposed to daydrink, right?
Randomize
