proudest moment: just made a guy walk into a parked car with his mouth hanging open cause of the shirt im wearing.
smoking weed is really the only logical conclusion to hangovers
i was just skypeing her and i saw the vagisil medicated wipes in the corner of her room. i'll be breaking this off tomorrow
no, that was the night I slathered your dick in the icing from my birthday cake
got my wristband ripped off, was told i can only be served water. please find me, i'll be running through the fountain
currently waiting for her to check in on Facebook, the second she does I'm there. someone is getting laid tonight
I'm not stalking, she is pretty much begging me to come find her if she checks in
Go big or go home. i snuck in two beers in my bra. im here to win.
That feels better than graduating college or that time I tried to ride a llama. Did you know they really spit?
My fake id got more birthday sex than I've had in my life.
Tbh you just need to fuck it out like I don't know another solution
My sister just poured me a dbl Ciroc on the rocks and said "the ice makes it festive." Honestly what a role model.
Woke up from a black out in a strangers Jeep without phone, shoes, or wallet.
Just called to hear your voice and talk about pizza.
I either have a problem or a really good solution... I just ordered my homecoming dress off of a website that sells forplay outfits.
The dogs decided to play a new game called "Who Can Scream the Loudest?"
I won.
Randomize
