So we were in the middle of hooking up when he stopped me. I thought he was having a moral dilemma about the whole having a girlfriend thing. But no. He got down on all fours, butt naked, and started throwing up and farting simultaneously. I took it as my cue to leave.
I'm going to go hang out on a giant wooden pirate ship for 5 days.
I wanted to google "huge banana" but I'm pretty sure all I'd get is dick pictures.
Just spent the last of my lifesavings on (what i hope is enough of) alcohol. Hello summer.
Europeans suck. I just gave him head and somehow i am the one paying for the coffee
He went into the alley to piss and came back a minute later with a case of Bud Select. I'm speechless.
the fact that he forgave me for making out with the bartender is proof that i can fuck my way out of anything.
Ladystoner tip: if eyes are bloodshot, lime green eyeliner makes them appear less red. its basic artt.
Girl, that was the lost night of 2012 for me and I have buried that night deep deep away..
Chipotle. Because when you've had diarrhea for 6 days why not just make it 7
I could be busy drinking my face off and getting red white and bruised per usual
Btw, you're my emergency contact at Planned Parenthood
GOIN TO BED BEFORE TEQUILA BLEEDS FROM MY EYEBALLS
Because 9 pm Thursday you drink a loco cause you just wanna get drunk and have a good time with your friends. Then you wake up on Tuesday and you've had 17 locos and you're pregnant, lying on the side of the road, 3 states over. THAT'S why we don't have only locos parties.
Afternoon delight is playing while I take a shit at mcdonalds
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