I forgot how ruthlessly advertising works on me when I'm high.
I think I could pass a breathalyzer. But with like a C.
I woke up 25 minutes ago and have been high for 20. Impressive?
when I picked him up he smelled like cheeseburgers, had a bite mark around his left nipple and we think someone stabbed him in the forehead with a pencil... it was like the Hangover meets Texas Chainsaw Massacre
Getting stoned and going to costco. If i'm not back by dawn, you know what to do.
I found his backpack for the weekend. All it had was ping pong balls, mardi gras beads, and Tums.
I feel like I'm on let's make a deal. should I go with what's behind bulge number 1 or bulge number 2?
Mom just posted ur drunk pix from Cancun in the newly made "My not-so-fantastic son" album. Thought you should know.
Our suitemates are shrooming again. I left a less colorful dress hanging on the door, change before you come in because purple is making Maeve cry.
He was having an allergic reaction to that new brand of vodka Eric brought, so he just started chasing with benadryl.. Talk about commitment.
The only way that night could have gotten any better would be if a unicorn would descend from the heavens with a nacho bell grande in a bag around its horn beat boxing Hakunah Matata.
Is it a coincidence that the reminder on my phone to take my birth control is "I'm ready to party" from Bridesmaids?
Saying I've had more balls in my mouth than you is the last clear, coherent thing I remember.
i sent him a nude and he responded 6 hours later
what did he say?
"oh m god,,, whow '!!!!nm"
His PENIS is so fucking big that I always use caps, out of respect.
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