So, it's like build-a-bear for your vag?
Got to see someone fall down the stairs while holding hot coffee and a folder full of papers. Best Monday ever.
The neighbors are smoking hash and doing Julia Child impressions...again.
is he apposed to sex in general? or just porch sex?
My bosses just told me they met their wives on one night stands. I'm stoked.
buying my parents vodka for Christmas is like buying a normal person socks.
I action rolled over a firepit. Twice. I am the action roll king
Bible prof is the guy I made out with at the gay bar on the fourth. He doesn't remember.
im suggesting it to him. and by suggesting i mean we're not having sex again unless im wearing high heels
This whole bra on the outside of my shirt thing is so convenient. It turns my shirt into a pocket to eat Fritos out of. Mmm boobies
True love: he brought me a margarita while was in the shower. He's a keeper.
You came out of your room naked under your open robe with a mouth full of brownie on a stick and grabbed a fistful of fruit loops and shoved them into your already full mouth.
I'm at forever 21 and someone pooped in the dressing room.
Love that I’m sending my uber driver a thank you message for taking me home via mcdonalds tonight before I’m messaging my date from tonight! Lol
That’s the third time this month he’s hooked up with a girl by telling her it’s his bachelor party, and he’s not even dating a chick let alone engaged.
Randomize
