On friday while at the hotel bar by myself (creepy) I made friends w/ a millionaire who said he may be running for the position of mayor in richmond va (likely a lie). At one point during our discourse he asked if I was crazy. In the effort of full disclosure I looked him in the eye and said yes
I don't know what prompted his inquiry, clearly this man had impeccable intuition
How can she be afraid to give you a blowjob? It's not like your penis is going to turn on her and eat her.
I have three paper towels stuck up my vagina. This is not a time to be calm.
Hahah fuck. I keep looking to make sure that stupid line doesn't show up when my guards are down. Babies can sense fear.
You. Me. Frosting and a bed. Lets do this.
We're gona eat taco bell and then take exlax and see who can hold it in the longest. Loser has to pay for drinks all weekend. You in?
Smoked a blunt with a girl i met at the bus stop today. What you did today is irrelevant
How are you going to come here and fuck on our couch ? That's everyones couch
She wants me to spank her and yell "Kerry! Your father is disappointed with your choices!" Fuck up but crazy hot? Or just fuck up crazy?
Just watched two people have sex in the pool. Hope you enjoy your yeast infection courtesy of the comfort inn.
He's in the same dorm as me. We are sharing a laundry room, gym, and cafeteria. I'VE ALREADY COMMITTED DORMCEST AND MOVE-IN DAY ISN'T UNTILL NEXT WEEK!!!!
Listen, I booty called my boss last night from the company phone. I may need to brush up my resume.
If I ever write a memoir I'm thinking "Choosing to sit in a vat of shit" would fit
Vomit your little heart out. You've got a long day tomorrow
I was told today that I'm the ugliest bartender in the area, so, I guess I have that going for me.
Randomize
