Ooooh. That's not a mole. Uncomfortable.
I even resorted to pole dancing with the street sign. I have an extra $20 now because I think people were paying me to leave.
ambylanc
what?
there was an amgbulance. iw ish i was in it.
Still trying to wash and scratch the glitter off of my dick. That stripper should be banned.
Attn every girl I've slept with in the past 26 years of my life. One of you cunts gave me herpes. This is the 4th of 5 group MMS. That's right. It's in the 50s. There are two girls I don't have #s for. One was on a cruise and the other was a prostitute in Amsterdam. So which of you has herpes?
my boss just offered me his leftover salvia im not sure if it was a trick question
Now I get the fucking shakes every time I hear I'm Sexy And I Know It. Thanks, Captain Morgan.
We boned on a bench in a park, french people were walking by cheering us on. Totally acceptable
Last night at the bar you we're seriously going up to people and pushing through them like they were bowling pins and you were a bowling ball
I just forgot I was standing up.
not sure what stings more, my ass or my pride...
I went to bed early to get up and have a cup of coffee and watch a Sunday sunrise; and again you come home with no shirt and more stamps than my passport. Get the fuck up now, you are taking an Uber to waffle house. The order is in you name.
My vagina measures dicks. It's accurate to the half inch.
So learned a new trick last night.... Taking body shots from my own tits... Mom would be so proud
Just because you haven’t had your UTI yet doesn’t mean you have a right to talk like Yoda
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