My mom just told me that the key to a successful marriage is never seeing your partner take a shit.
He said I was the "egg mcmuffin" of blowjobs. I'm flattered.
I told him I'd go cook him breakfast, but ended up passing out on the kitchen floor in the fetal position spooning the dog
they sound like some classy girls.
Hey, I don't give them daddy issues, I just take advantage of it. The real bad guy here is American parenting.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Don't pretend you don't want to dance on the edge of overdose all three nights
We are no longer allowed to have pre 4th party week. I woke up with a donut stuck to my face and 'MILF' written in black marker on my stomach.
Mother of the Year
Bobbing for jello shots in a bucket of long island. Fast track to alcohol poisoning.
She made sure everyone knew we were doing shots for her dead grandma.
I wonder if there is a über wall of shame that you are currently on. Like between drivers.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You're like the fucking Mozart of sexting.
I'm her ex, so unless you're interested in her massive moral failings and open season vagina, I'm not your guy.
We get up to three toppings. Dignity is not one of them.
I can appreciate that you picked up the hot drummer, but don’t have sex in front of my house lmao
Good news! Blood’s flowing!
She really wants to hug you. With her vagina.
Randomize