I'm pretty sure his head is too big to fit between my legs. Worthless.
Dude, Erin Andrews has a nude video circulating the internet.
Is it any good?
Let me put it this way: I bet Stuart Scott's lazy eye went straight after watching that.
just threw up in the bus full of other international students just outside of boulder, just keeping the aussie reputation alive
I am drinking at a movie theater seeing a children's movie, 2nd time this week
Someone left a beer in front of your door...there's a note with it that says "peace offering"
She just got out of the car and said "hold on purse.. It's going to be a bumpy ride"
Some advice...don't play drunk rock em sock em robots. With actual people. I have bruises EVERYWHERE.
The closest thing to a sext that you will ever receive from me is a picture of pepperonis on Greg's asscheeks, clenching.
I really have a thing for Greek chicks; I feel like while we are having sex she has the ability to make hummus which is just too appealing for me to pass up.
Apparently I took a selfie with fried chicken at 2 am....I'm still trying to figure out where I got the chicken. I thought I was making mac & cheese.
Apparently she "missed me" and the only logical solution was to fuck my brother.
Dude I bought a 300 dollar buffalo painting. I'm no longer allowed to take shrooms.
Is "You've never made me cum." an acceptable breakup line?
Never do acid then ask for a blow job while watching 28 Days Later. Heed my advice.
We're in an alley with a psychic wizard, shes reading our palms
Randomize
