He came and then made the Jim Halpert face. does that say disappointment or what
just got a rotting pancake and bacon in the mail from your address....
she took her bra off and it was like the puppet strings had been dropped. her tits totally deflated.
apparently, i ordered a pogo stick last night. i can't even be mad about that.
when we went to bed he asked me to hold his penis so he knew i was there for him
I let a guy with dreads drive my car, then demanded he take me back cause I don't let strangers drive my car, while repeatedly apologizing for being a cock block.
There's a mechanical bull in the basement dude where are you
You're like Jane Goodall in a forest of gay men. Someday your autobiography will be called "Bottoms in the Mist".
I was stretching naked in the middle of my room singing "Somewhere Over the Rainbow", apparently this is what I do when I'm high and the wifi goes out
Well, that's not my fault. I make decisions all the time when I'm drunk.
I'm not over that dildo rifle story. I don't think I ever will be.
I AM STRANGELY AROUSED BY THIS UNEXPECTED DEVELOPMENT AND I AM COMPLETELY OK WITH THIS.
I think I may have fully transcended this spectrum of life. I can see beams of light man. Down to the photons
What
The only downside is I can't stop skipping
My neck feel like I've been sucking Goliath's dick.
I'm making a sandwich topless right now. Remind me again why I don't have a boyfriend?
Randomize
