just drove past a church sign that said "jesus got 'er done" ... welcome to the south
Maybe if i eat something filling like whole wheat pasta it will make me less hungry for things like dick
I just saw a stripper wear a tube top around her floppy gut. God bless Michigan.
you need to not memorize your credit card number for drunk pizza
Are you seriously picking mariokart over a blowjob? nott to sound like a bitch but seriously?
I woke up exactly where I passed out... on top of him yet he somehow put his pants back on
Dude, had to, it's Canada Day, I fucked her for Canada. Seriously, I put my Canadian flag on my bed and fucked her on it.
They drank shots out of my cleavage. Surprisingly, the one who did the best was a gay guy.
I've said it before and I'll say it again: your tits are a danger to gay men everywhere.
I'm laying in bed with a case of beer,.. That's how this break up is going..
He said the last thing he remembered thinking was: 'Why is this vagina spinning?' Too drunk sex is no ones friend.
I'm pretty sure that the bartender arranged a marriage for me last night. Sounds like a legit birthday present to me.
Well. We had sex and then watched 6 episodes of Dateline NBC together; only breaking the silence to make disapproving noises at shotty police work. So basically yea I'm gonna marry him.
Need a Dr's note to excuse me from blowjobs for 3-6 weeks while my jaw heals..
I know you like got hit by a car but do you want to come to my birthday pardi
I can’t tell if I have feelings for him or if my vagina does.
Randomize
