fighting downstairs. join me tonight to hear their makeup sex. also, let's make skittles vodka.
Billy Mays is dead, Vince Schlomi is in jail, who's going to sell me useful gadgets at ridiculously low prices now?!
he said he wished he had more hands so he could firmly hold my boobs.
found: crazy homeless guy quoting Quagmire lines to every chick he sees. i think i win the scavenger hunt.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he has 3 profile pictures up and all of them are him riding jet skis
I feel like I bought a front row ticket to watch her screw up her life
Im at the hospital with monitors on and a giant green top hat. i blew a 24somethin. Im fucked.
Woke up this morning to my mom on the phone with my dad saying, "It's probably just your prostate." Reasons to move out. Go.
the night got glorious when you tried to do an upside down keg stand with a near empty key and dropped it on your face
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
No, my body just knows its the weekend and wants to rage. Very different from alcoholism
When they say "all expenses paid" does that include bail?
I rigged together two of my vibrators for more power... I've created a monster.
I knew this night was headed for bad when I was drinking cherry bombs out of a sippy cup in the shower
It's an open bar. I'm gonna be gone when you get here.
Text me the address now before you're too drunk to text English.
the fact that you trapped hornets in a mailing tube to put in his mailbox does not surprise me sadly.
Randomize