Yeah and Nick is shooting his loaded 9mm in his backyard.
He just knocked over the beer pong table... I haven't seen so much fail in one room since I watched "Mall Cop" with my grandma
By getting ready I mean putting baby powder in my hair and possibly changing my pajamas to another pair of pajamas
just threw up in the bushes outside my lecture hall. sometimes i hate the freedom college gives you.
He told me he's not in to anal. I need to marry him, ASAP.
My date keeps hitting on your friend. Had no expectations, but not a real confidence booster.
Taking back a box of condoms is possibly the most depressing thing i've ever done
It's like she can't drink without using a flambongo
E drugging s springing. Ease dnt Kate. To t e. ess e I meant thou.
I think I just danced on the bar. With a man named Alabama.
Thank you for turning 21. I'm going to love reading your texts.
Waiting to interview and found a beer in my purse from last night
He literally wrote out a schedule. On it, there's a taco break, and a spot where I start crying.
Growing a beard is gonna make smoking a pipe look so much more majestic
Drunk wound on my leg hast healed and neither has my dignity
I keep finding Kraft singles in his pockets. Honestly, this is the weirdest family I've ever worked for.
Randomize
