Drawing on your hand and calling it yenifer lopez doesn't count!
yea pretty sure we followed the trail of your spaghetti-o vomit to find the car
look out your window.... he's holding his iphone up like a boombox playing you beach boys
It's almost like sex with her has gotten boring... like it's still good, but the creativity is lacking... it's times like these that i wish she still wanted me to gag her
...and all my boxers are outside in the snow because????
We're on a cock hunt. Everything is fair game.
The one wearing a viking helmet and holding a bottle of Smirnoff. She's laying on the floor of the tube singing "cant find my way home" . You can't miss her..
you shall refer to me as my indian name from now on...running with dumb cunts
He just stared into my eyes and touched himself. That isn't hooking up.
I love our relationship. We just get drunk, show each other our tits, demonstrate sexual positions and make pasta. Then you go to bed and I sit around with your mom and cry about how proud of you we are.
You've got to be fucking kidding me. Do you think "Husband drunkenly pees all over floors" is reasonable grounds for divorce? So pissed off right now.
my goal for the rest of college is to escape STD free. fuck getting a job. this is more important.
You know you've been having sex for 9 months when you do Rock Paper Scissors for who has to go on top
I love him about as much as I'd love fucking myself with a cactus.
I'm drunk and in a paddle boat and my friend won't quit yelling about pandas. Does this ever happen to you?
Randomize
