You American Chicks are so confusing....1 day you are on my nuts next day you be trippin
Dude its not just American chicks...a small penis is the same in every language
I don't think anyone has ever said "boy I'm glad I took those shots of everclear" when they wake up
In Denver there are more bars per capita than any other city also the healthiest city. That means lots of drunk girls and no fatties.
I just found out that the liquid capacity of my breasts is 700ml each. I should not be left alone at home when drunk.
If you bring me a slurpee and advil I will eat you out for like an hour.
Well I blew a guy I barely know in full view of a homeless camp. That's pretty tame for me.
Last night at McDonalds, you lied across the counter, pulled up your shirt and yelled "BODY SHOTS"...
You should make a checklist to ensure they are quality material. Here's mine: wearing shoes, not drunk, very hot, has teeth, speaks english. You never know
Please write a memoir and name it "Game Boy and Dick Stuff"
My mom just drunk texted me complaining about her genitals smelling like Taco Bell. I really am her son
He said he wanted to sit next to the fountain so he could "watch the water hit the other water".
If you send me one more .gif of that fumble, I will make the 10 hour drive just to set you on fire.
I'll give you a blowjob in a Santa hat if it will put you in the Christmas spirit
Omg my brain. Most recent thought: I fucking prayed in the bathroom that the other girl would leave. Prayed to Jesus
What should I list for life skills
How about home wrecking? You’re excellent at that
Hmm...that is a life skill in Southern California
Randomize
