He broke up with me by playing Lynyrd Skynyrd "Free Bird".
she looks like someone took a bunch of spare parts and glued them all on one face. it's quite horrifying.
Never forget that any girl can get her way if she puts her vagina on the table.
Went to mcdonalds... Wishing I could throw up the last 20 hours of my life.
She asked me why there was $2 in the lunchmeat drawer of the fridge and BBQ sauce all over the kitchen... I'm not sure but I know it has something to do with you
If the blowjob was before the wedding, we're not technically related, right?
I actually want to hang out with her with our clothes on. That's a big step up for me.
Give us adventure or give us cock. Or cocktails.
She apologized again the next day. I said it was pee under the bridge
Although I'm glad you didn't let my climb in the sink, I really wish you would have let me pretend to be a duck in the shower for a little longer
Most girls get hit on with a $7.00 drink. You get hit on with a $750K plane.
I want to get up and tell you that smells delicious but I'm struggling with the idea of pants
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
The last time I saw you you got angry and yelled "WHISKEY DOESNT COUNT" ... I think that's at least a 7 on the hotmess scale.
I might be a bit longer... I found a hot guy at the grocery store, so I'm following him and buying stuff that he's buying
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