Whats the opposite of morning wood? Whatever its called, everyone saw it when it fell out.
Im watching someone hooking up in the library
procrastination at its finest
the fact that you could barely do more than slur incoherent sentences didn't stop you from correcting her grammar
We had sex and then he fed me pie. This is the best friends-with-benefits situation ever.
I'm not sure if it was sex or spear fishing. He goes in for it like he's crash landing a rocket
Aaaand my life has been reduced to whether I can reach to flush my puke down the toilet using my foot. The answer is yes.
Well I checked the bush outside his apartment building this morning, and he wasn't there... So I knew he was home.
is that a sigh of girlish delight, or "sigh...I'm having a herpes outbreak'
Can't it be both?
We did Irish Car Bombs out of butter trays, the influence of the retired community is astounding- I didn't know people even owned more than one butter tray.
Do you guys think there will be a coke-for-Molly barder at bonnaroo?
After getting kicked out of the bar, you proceeded to McDonald's, ordered 30 nuggets, slammed them all back in 5 minutes and then stole 3 traffic cones...how you only got charged with drunk in public is beyond me.
she's throwing knives it scares me
update: broke ceiling. glass everywhere
I just got a text giving me an hour window for when my vibrator is gonna be delivered. If that's not awesome customer service, I don't know what is.
we had sex in his office so i figured it was appropriate to like his company's page on facebook
Oh yeah I meant to tell you the Tomb Raider looking girl so crop dusted me on the stairway
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