haha omg you stole $185 from a passed out drunk indian on your porch and called the ambulance??
savin' lives aint cheap
I have "you made mistakes last night" written alllll over me.
We Started drinking at 8am and left the bar around 11pm....I hate ALL green things
We've got 2 weeks of college left-I want to feel like Gary Busey by graduation.
You don't understand how difficult it is to give head with cotton mouth
i cant do it anymore.. every time this girl orgasms she sounds like a motorcycle
a garbage man just dropped off my phone and wallet. he found them in the trash this morning.
We still going to Happy Hour
Idk. I can't because it doesn't fit in my schedule of sleeping or throwing up
You told her to step on the scale because you had whiskey goggles, and scales don't lie.
You invented a drink at the bar and named it Boner Soup. It was like an even trashier version of a long island iced tea
I stole $10 from the guy I hooked up with last night.Not sure why but it was definitely more satisfying.
I share a birthday weekend with Easter this year, so that fucking sucks. I hate sharing...and I have to share with fucking Jesus this year.\n
As I walked across the lawn after the party got busted, an officer told me to chug my beer before I left the premises.
We finally gave up searching because everything had started to look like flip flops
Fucking a younger guy is now a game of odds. The chance that he gives me corona virus is outweighed by the evening of orgasms I know he’ll give me.
Randomize
