Never again will we have slut saturday. Never.
It was all going great until he pulled the hamburger meat out of his pocket
I am alternating between eating dry cheerios and mint chocolate chip ice cream with a fork. Please love me because no one else will
We need to drink more. Just think how awesome it would be to wake up in a trailer and NOT remember how wee got here.
possibly one of my favorite moments was wiping it off your nose after you high fived a bouncer
I accidentally sent him a snapchat of my boobs and now we're going on a date tomorrow... Could be worse.
But there's never enough margarita money.
This is going to be one of those situations where we lose a day, isn't it
who is the naked dude on the coffee table
thats jeff, jeff is nice so don't be rude
Might be using my graduation money to pay for an abortion.
you seriously don't remember..? but then again, you were taking shots by yourself for like 30mins
Thanks for being the best husband and reassuring my fuck buddy that you're comfortable with my adultery. You da real MVP.
Your final is gonna be as easy for you as getting into straight girls' pants is for me.
Tequila shots and throwing it at a bell.
This is dumb. I'll keep doing it.
I was singing Colors of the Wind and swigging vodka and still felt like more of an adult.
I had more orgasms than hours of sleep this weekend. I’m going to keep him around a while
Randomize
