He had a number 3 tattooed on his penis. And when I asked what it meant, he said " you know like dale earnhardt, the intimidator".
you were crying while pretty ricky was playing, what did you want me to do
this blows. i told the guy at the bar that i was the DD and it was like i just announced over megaphone that i had genital herpes. no one will talk to me now.
If it's any consolation, your boobs looked awesome.
i'm pregaming while finishing a paper on cardio myocyte contractility in mice. i'm kicking finals week's ass right now
He only had napkins in the bathroom... no toilet paper. If I fuck him, am I settling?
I just burped smoke on the bus. Hello 6:48am
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Justin Timberlake, while dressed as Britney Spears. Fuck Jessica Biel, all my 90's dreams are coming true.
stalking the twitter feeds of girls who have fucked my current fuck buddy makes me glad we use condoms
He got in a shopping cart outside of home depot and insisted we push him down a flight of stairs. For science.
I don't think I have face palmed that many times in such a short period. And I've worked tech support.
My dreams last night were filled with sex and quidditch.
If i'm not ready, make sure i'm alive. Not passed out dead in the shower.
I'll still do breakfast to celebrate the life you've had.
It's a combination of amazing uncoordination, bad luck, and sheer determination to cause destruction wherever I go.
oh, he’s out of jail btw. as of about 6pm. one of his customers bonded him out apparently lol
Like he really got a coke fiend to bond him out?
Randomize
