I'm cheating on the girl I'm cheating on my girlfriend with
First rule of pills: If you can't remember what it is, take half.
Im a photoshop master, i successfully reduced the size of the pupils of all the girls I made out last night with to prove they were not that drunk. So glad the camera goes home with me.
I thought I hit my peak drinking in college. Just finished first day on Wall Street. College was nothing.
When the cops came you just told them you'd go to your time out corner.
She put up a picture of her grandmother on facebook, looks like the lazy eye runs in the family
A girl pulled up next to me at a stoplight just now, looked around for a second, and then changed her top, bra and all, before the light turned green. New. Hero.
Road trip to buy me a baby zebra..are you in or are you in?
What part of drinking with my mom makes you think i'd get naked
All of it
Tequila is gods way of telling you don't fuck with tequila
He woke me up because I was snoring and went for a second round. First time I'm happy that I snore
You cannot steal the fun of my nakedness. You do not own my nakedness. My nakedness is my sole property and I share that fun with whom I choose.
My life is just a trash fire of work and Japanese video games now
You told me you didn't want to go to the hospital because you were drunk, but because you didn't want to leave the "fun".
Want to help me interview candidates to replace my Cub/Boy Toy when he leaves for grad school next month?
Randomize
