4:33 am: Sleep on left side of my bed. T-shirts are second drawer on left side, boxers top right. I don't wake up when lights are on so feel free in my room..
Have fun with your cool freestyling girlfriend!
She can rap better than you any day
Where is the hickey?
you won't ask to borrow his earbuds because you think it's gross, but you'll have sex with him?
his receeding hairline makes running into him so much less awkward. almost enjoyable actualy
Just because you put plan b in my Easter basket doesn't give you an excuse not to wear a condom.
There are flashing lights and a man dressed as Santa with a bullhorn in my cul de sac.
I'm not sure if this is awesome or scary.
Holy hangover, going dancing with family good idea, taking the last shot with the transvestite bar owner not so much...
He's against "violent sex" cause apparently my body is "sacred". Like dude I'm about to tell you about blowing your brother just so you'll fuck me like an animal Jesus Christ....
Martha Stewart has had a one night stand and is unsure if she's had a threesome. I no longer feel slutty.
I'm 2 seconds away from smashing the bottle and drinking it off the counter with a straw.
He told me I remind him of his ex girlfriend but in a better more advanced way..
I wanna trust fall face first on a penis.
it was awkward when he was taking off my clothes and i had to help him undo my fanny pack
If the people you’re with use the word tequila in a sentence with phrases like hair of the dog or breakfast of champions...run awsy
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