So I got my period. Finally. In related news, I reinstated my belief in God.
I wish "capable of destroying an innocent girl's life" is something I could put on my resume
bet u 5 dollars u can't guess were i woke up this morning
oh god.. jail?
better, on the catwalk of the auditorium
I know its been a few months but you must know you hve the 2nd biggest dick I've ever seen. 1st place went to a rapper so don't feel bad.
and now her best friend is massaging my table under the leg. this may not end well.
I don't think I have but I might've died. If I have then come get me, I'm in the flower bed. And still game.
We sat in his closet and drank four loko out of my camelbak for an hour in the dark. You tell me how my night went.
You both ran and jumped into the tub yelling Jamaican bobsled team
We all have to be good at something. Mine are writing, drinking, fucking and peer pressure.
He is what would appear if the douche troop all had rings and we summoned someone like the Captain Planet kids.
We also had a full on debate about how realistic and useful teleportation and time travel would be...and only used Twilight Zone episodes as "scientific evidence"
They're the one who can profit the most when given the opportunity for blackmail.
At least that's how I've always seen it whenever I've been the Designated Driver.
That simultaneously explains everything and makes me very very terrified of you.
After we had sex he went to the kitchen, came back with a bag of funyuns and ate them buck ass naked in his bedroom doorway. Had no idea how to react to that one.
If sex isn’t mentioned at least three times at the dinner table, I’m not interested...
Its that time in the evening when I've had a few cocktails and wish you'd make a video about the packers and Jack Daniels.
Randomize
