I don't know what kind of drugs you were on last night but you kept trying to highlight my face because you said I was important
How do I tell if what I'm covered in is pee or cum?
she got pretty angry when i tried to superglue her fingers together.
just walk of shamed past a man riding a bike. RIDING A BIKE. what a wholesome life he must lead.
On a scale of your daily life to smuggling crack into the DR, how illegal is it?
I apologize for violently hooking up with her in front of you in the jacuzzi last night.
Cry into your wine glass and then drink the tears, it's like the fountain of youth
There is an alarming amount of urine in here.
Just at the gym drinking. We call it treadmillcolada
And thanks to you I'm pretty sure I'm banned from every qdoba in south carolina. And cab company
The girl next to me looks like the young version of sara (bonnie hunt) in jumanji. I wanna be like PLAY THE GAME SARA!!!!"
He can't just hit it and quit it and then eat your pop tarts on his way out.
He is getting no nudes from me. I don't even care if I'm losing his legal advice.
Nothing like sitting at your midterm pissed at yourself because you put your graphing calculator batteries in your vibrator and forgot to put them back in before the exam 😑
What are u up to today?
Marathon sex and eating.
Randomize
