just had sex with a midget and didnt wrap it... were totally gonna have a tv show :)
i just called corporate taco bell to ask about the life span of a chicken burrito.
I'm at a free clinic. Feel like I should cough or sneeze so it's not blatantly obvious I'm getting checked for STI's.
When she talks to me all I hear are 5 generations of inbreeding speaking.
I walked into his room and he was naked with a half eaten pecan pie and a bottle of wine.
walking back to the dorm.. she is flashing evryone, demanding beads. we tried to stop her and now she just keeps yelling "Bourbon st bitchesss"... you get her tomorrow
We can just keep having sex until one of us finds someone we actually like
Dude. I realize why I got sick. 8 shots three beers in an hour. Plus I ate an expired lunchable earlier.
She had YOLO tattooed on her ass. Like, one cheek said YO, the other said LO. Even I can't handle that level of hot mess.
I keep shaking cocoa puffs out of my hair. Best Sunday Funday ever.
I'm so poor. I just wiped my ass with cocktail napkins... That I stole from the neighbors... When I was over there stealing Cheetos.
Don't worry my mom is buying me a vasectomy for Christmas
I just threw up into a baby carriage. There was a baby in it.
Its like my group of friends and I are all dating and we're all just a bunch of Swingers, is that normal?
I wish he’d realize all I want is dick. He’s my boytoy. He’s a stunt cock. \n\nCome over, fuck me silly, eat some leftovers, fuck me again, then go back to the frat house
Randomize
