I'm not conventionally pretty...I'm just crazy
Fuck. I have a girl here waiting on me in my room! I told her I was going to get a drink of water... I'm in the bathroom taking a dump... I have mudd butt bad... There's NO toilet paper!!
We hit a deer, sort of a buzz kill. But it's fine.
Im telling you now. Hang out with winning football players and you get whatever the hell you want. Sorry to wake you. But its important knowledge.
On a scale of one to Chris Brown, how angry are you?
frozen peaches as icecubes. vodka Sundays just got wayyyy better
I got a job at a micro-brewery. Now who made the bigger mistake, them or me?
12 garbage cans filled with water, a beer can floating in every garbage can, 20 ft. apart and you shoot with dodge balls..and thats only how the night began
he found you with your pants down, trying to straddle the urinal. no one should have to see their sister like that. ever.
when you wake up in a apartment hallway wearing someone else's shoes, you can pretty much assume last night was a success.
I consented to having my finger branded. How was your night?
styled my pubes into a mustache as a surprise. Thought you should know
We had sex last night...... This "Friends" thing is going well.
My loniness meter has reached its peak. I just played shadow puppets using my Big Mac on the wall with my cats
There's a fly in my room repeatedly throwing itself at my window, and I feel it's really symbolic of what I want to do with my future
Randomize
