Crosby and Malkin: Two girls, one cup.
do you think they ever dumped Gatorade over Michael Vick's head after his dog won?
all i asked was if it was all the way in, and now im laying here alone. sensitive guys fucking suck
you told grandpa to call you daddy
still drunk. talking shit to the doc drawing my blood. this has no upside
in the event i get tipsy, my nipples are your responsibility
I don't think I'm emotionally ready for this blow job.
It Amazes me that I was able to drunk update my status in Spanish last night.
I'm seeing how long I can hold this wine in my mouth. I have so many adventures! I'm like Teddy Ruxpin!
Also- bikini mowing was a horrible idea. One truck just drove by 3 times, turning around at the end of the block each time. My tan may be better for it but my conscience has been raped.
As I'm trying to leave her house she shushes me and puts my hand on her boob, then goes back to sleep. In like 30seconds. What the fuck.
My walk of shame wasn't complete until I projectile vomited clutching my truck bumper while he just smiled with that look of regret.
I spent three hours in the ER last night to figure out that my friend just had to take a shit
It's not even 8 pm, or Saint Patrick's Day, and Kevin is drunk on my roof humping the air
There is a sex dungeon behind the wine cellar. This is why I hate showing foreclosures.
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