Just beat my spinning in office chair record. Almost puked. Totally worth it.
bring money and cleavage
RJ thinks I should put one of the muffins in my vagina. Good idea or bad idea?
Grilled cheese and whiskey for lunch is why i should NEVER be a housewife.
He kept calling my vagina a magic clam, and it was speaking to him, telling him to feed it his penis. I played along.
Apparently being drunk on a southwest flight and yelling "TURNUP" during take off is looked down upon in this state.
I knew us throwing ourselves at him back in the day would pay off. I'm gonna b a divorcees rebound. Score!
I used my tears to chase my tequila. You could say I rallied.
He reached a whole new level of creepy. We were getting a coffee and he noticed the girl at Starbucks name tag looked her up on fb and friend requested her right there without ever introducing himself
Have I showed you the picture of my vagina with a little bang flag coming out of it?
And then I discovered that while drunk last night I called the NAACP and left an angry voicemail demanding they fix the racism at my school
Says the girl who left her friends to go have phone sex in the bathroom at Michael's
Recliner chair sex has moments of worry....just don't.
I'm going to force her to break up with me this week. Tonight I plan to shit the bed. If that doesn't work I'm not sure what's next.
He grabbed at it like it was a stress ball or something. It's a boob, not a grapefruit. The fuck.
Randomize
