"auto-tuned camel" is how i'd describe the noises she made
Just passed an anti-circumcision dude with a sign. Handing-out-bibles guy has been officially one-upped.
I should have kept drinking, a coma can't be as bad as this hangover
Well regardless of where or with who you will be blacking out and i will be pouring shots down ur throat like a baby bird
Well were gunna have to wash the couch cover now...maybe even the couch, soap or fire your decision
The forecast for tonight is alcohol and low expectations.
You're the only meteorologist I listen to.
You were peeing on a bus yelling fuck public transit, congratulations.
We found you facedown on his couch in a pile of cheerios, with only one shoe on. Dude you said you were staying in last night.
Well I was kicked out of the bar and woke up on a picnic table. I'd say the night was awesome!
But I got head on a boat yesterday which was sweet until a bald eagle flew over. Then it became life affirming.
I'm in the smoking section between a transvestite molly dealer and a group of juggalos. I shouldn't be that hard to find.
When I woke up I had 6 missed calls making sure I was ok and asking if I remember showing my tits to a picture of her baby.
Nothing like sitting at your midterm pissed at yourself because you put your graphing calculator batteries in your vibrator and forgot to put them back in before the exam 😑
Also. Picked being late to work over the maid finding my vibrator. Life choices....
Just saw 4 of my students at Denny's at 4am on a Tuesday. We all pretended not to see each other, as we are all clearly tipsy and/or stoned. Class is in less than 4 hours. Either i'm getting too old for this shit or they're starting on the road to crazy-town much earlier these days.
Randomize
