i now know how you feel when you have to walk me home. she ran into a streetlight and into garbage.
She made me add her as a friend on fb before she got into my bed... I sense a stalker
It feels like Jesse James cheated on America.
the guy was wearing a viagra shirt, i knew what i got myself into.
i remember you telling me to take a shower, brush my teeth, go get back in bed w her, and "just do what i was born to do." and as soon as i stopped yacking i did just that. you saved my birthday.
I have a surprise for you
Is it drugs? I want drugs. Or a puppy!
A guy at one of our big accounts just said you probably dont remember meeting me saturday night ps you were right about those two girls being lesbian
Hi. This might be awkward, but I met you on saturday at about 330 am. I have to admit I don't remember your name, what we talked about, or various details of how I got home. What I do remember is that I was invested enough in getting your number to ask my cab driver for a pen to write it down since my phone was dead. So do you want to meet, soberer, some time?
Hey bro I think you got the wrong number I'm a dude
Your boyfriend and I are bonding over your giant dick.
BING! You are now free to move about my panties. He just left for work.
Now when you said you'd never sleep with me, did you really mean never on a Monday or never without handcuffs or a blindfold or never on a airplane or never without lots of booze? Cus never is a pretty strong word.
Pretty sure at some point last night i said to myself "it'll be fun to completely lose my mind for a night"
A young (I'm going to guess late middle school age) kid shouted at me from the crosswalk GAS PUMP OF SHAME! I have peaked in life.
Your vagina must be outstanding or have a secret entrance to Narnia if someone is will to fly from Texas for one night of it.
His mom knocked on the door during morning sex because we were being too loud...now i have to meet her for the first time
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