Alex texted me. Bootycall boy #2. its like an alarm goes off once i'm single that the line is open again
I wasn't excited about it either, but if I was going to have her take a load on her face, role playing as some french dude is the least I could do
Left for charity run at 5AM. Saw a pigeon eating last night's vomit and a pair of shame-walkers in high heels. Nature at it's finest.
My walk of shame got a new perspective when I walked into his livingroom and found his roommate fucking some chick on the coffee table.
Just stuffed an entire cupcake in my mouth after finishing third glass of wine. Valentines day is pretty much going how i expected it.
Is all white too much for court to prove my innocents?
As I am reading this. I'm standing in my underwear eating taquitos. I'm saying this in the most loving way possible: FUCK OFF.
You BETTER NOT STEAL MY MOTHERFUCKING SQUIRREL
on my way to nyc to take a survey about my sexual activity. if you dont hear from me for a few days, assume they had me committed...
Bone him for me, BONE HIM TWICE FOR ME.
Just read 119 best sex positions. I wanna try 107 of them. Can I put you down for 50?
My mom just asked me if I can obtain a fake ID by thursday
I'm pretty sure our sex is better than most foods and that says a lot too bc I really like food
What a better way to celebrate that I'm single by becoming a stripper and making $1000 in one night
Just ate 2 pieces of pizza in the shower.. New low or fuckin brilliant??
Randomize
