I still think it's messed up that you're naming your kids after all the guys you slept with in college
Your 'drink of the future' makes sense now- you feel it for atleast 10 hours into the future
Stayed out til 7 am.... Did u know there's a guy who goes up and down the quad at that hour playing bagpipes?
The next time i black out make sure i remove the ping pong balls from my weave. Especially before my first day of classes.
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It's my 3rd annual 21st birthday party. Disney themed. There will be blood.
BoomCity!!!
You don't have to text me that every time you have sex. I already heard you ring the gong.
Everytime Our professor said "penis fencing" in class today we took shots.
But yesterday I literally met half his family buzzed wearing a cheeta print bathing suit super short shorts and a tiny tank top.. I was like awesome
I was mad at him...then I jerked off. Now I'm over it. Orgasms fix everything, I swear.
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I saw a picture of a baby and it reminded me to take my birth control. Priorities
If I'm gonna have a rotation of guys, I really should stop them leaving boob bruises...
I just want to hook up with Ed Sheeran. Why does it have to be so difficult?
Someone had to wrestle her in the chocolate pool, I'm glad I was man enough to step up and do it
Making friends with the guy who had alcohol-infused whipped cream was the best decision I made all night.
if it makes you feel any better you looked really comfortable while you were sleepin in the closet, atleast according to the pictures i woke up with on my phone
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