So...we accidentally left a bag of puke in your sister's room. Heads up.
At Coney Island the sign for the rollercoaster The Cyclone says, "Make sure your glasses and weave are secure."
I just Googled "how to lose weight but still be an alcoholic."
FB needs to have a relationship status called...screwing my roommates bf..linking their names would be an easier to tell her!
I just found 3 condoms in my math textbook... in the probability section... Under dependent and independent events...
after giving each other head, we had a really nice post-oral heart to heart. found out he lost his virginity in a threesome.
He also informed us that it's rude to shove your tit in someone's mouth. Happy Monday.
I've decided I'm gonna attack people with the toilet plunger.
Will you rub my calves while I masturbate?
My mom just said we can't get married in nude body suits to look like earthworms. She's ruining my life.
I'm to the point where I just want to get back at him in a hot man sex tornado way.
Do you know anyone else that comes home with unexplainable injuries as many nights a week as we do?
Why can I remember how tall Nicki Minaj is from looking up her height once months ago, yet after weeks into the semester I can't even remember where any my classrooms are located
Importance
The lady at the front desk wished you a happy hangover.
Ooooh no. Jesus take the wheel, or Moses. SOMEBODY TAKE THE WHEEL
Randomize
