I will be home in 10 min. Dont be beating off on the couch
enter at your own risk
chris hansen is no longer pursuing child predators.let's celebrate
i'll bring the hard lemonade and lube
just got cropdusted by the delivery guy...this was not in my job description.
puking up blue gatorade is not as nearly as much fun as it sounds
I've gotten 23 condolence texts about Germany's defeat. I got 3 for our break-up. That's how much my friends don't like you.
You were wasted and fell in a pond when you met him, it's not like you were on top of your game
she has an amazing ass but I need more beers to get past her horse face. It works out perfect becauseI can use her teeth as a bottle opener.
Yeah, this dress is irreparably whorey. I've resigned myself to being a family scandal.
I made a Russian puke. I outdrank a Russian. I am unstoppable.
Next time you're baked eat baked beans and potato chips together. Like dip them in the beans. It's so good
You were great dude. You wanted to charge the guy with fedora $100 to get in.
Just took physics exam. I think this is one of those 'chuck it in the fuck-it bucket and become an art major' days
She is carving a little coffin out of some wood for her hamster that died. I'm flying home tonight.
The lady at the front desk wished you a happy hangover.
Get your dick back in here. On Saturdays, you're not allowed to leave my bed unless it's to make me bacon or coffee.
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