the cashier wished me a happy fathers day while i bought condoms
i just realized i've hooked up with every boy in this taco bell
That's the classiest thing you've ever said.
Just got my econometrics book in the mail and started flipping through it. Our Thursday parties may turn into u convincing me not to kill myself.
She came over with Guinness cupcakes, a case of Mickeys, wearing an Ireland flag & nothing else.
bro i finally banged her last night on our basement couch
I'm at this frat party right now and yelled "my little 16 year old brother finally lost his virginity." They gave you a standing ovation
hr gave me pretxwk salad and a doubke shot of grey goose. i approve! tou guys are a beautidil couple.
if i can get a chik with a dibaetes pump naked a sling certainly isnt going to get in my way
The nurse who handed me my discharge papers underlined and highlighted do not consume alcohol while on my painkiller its like she knows me.
Mostly i might never get belligerent again because im gonna have to keep track of a diamond ring.
We're super invested in me shitting to my full potential
His brother just asked him in all seriousness if it would be cool if they became eskimo brother brothers.
Okay so it turns out that my bf keeps a log of every time I sleep-fart. It's dated back to 2013.
Ok you had this coming you put a sponsored filter on a dick pic
You have a husband. I have a bag full of electronics. This, is the single life.
Guy peeing and puking at the same time in the women's restroom? So impressed that I can't be offended
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