I'll collect that couch/porn sloopy beedge tomorrow just FYI
walked into the kitchen nd asked my mom what smells like tuna she replies" your sister" now i cant eat tuna...EVER!!!
Before I dignify that with an answer, let me get this straight. You're asking me if I wiped my ass on the towels?
Well, a cop just pulled up. This could go either way.
we found her in my closet eating a clove of garlic.
I hope the walls stop moving before my manager notices that i'm still drunk.
He fell off the roof... he clearly has not been preparing for summer.
You're a college freshman. Its your job to be pathetic. And drunk. But mostly pathetic
we aren't going to have kids. there's a 50% chance that they would look like him. not worth the risk
She was giving me that "well this is awkward since you drunkedly tried to hook up with me" look.
They had their heads out of the car singing the wrong words to the national anthem as we drove through traffic of people leaving the fireworks. AMURICA
I'm two sheets to the sexual wind
A conundrum I think only you would understand: how to classily post "I need a ride to the liquor store" on one's Facebook wall?
We lost you in the bar so we waited outside for you...next thing you know you kick open the doors and yell "I'M ALIVE"
You asked me how red your eyes were... they were shut.
Randomize
