everything is bigger in texas. Including my drinking problem.
people from other dorms came to marvel at the dump i took. i had a bio major take a picture.
They are chanting tits for freedom and I'm highly considering
When I don't want to forget things I put them on my cigs.
C smoking isn't all bad
If I believed in "responsibility" and "having limits", I would probably say I consumed too much alcohol in the last 48 hours
It took all the strength I had tto sit at my desk and not tear off my business attire and run screaming from adulthood and flourescent lights.
Matt says that there are strip club auditions in our living room and he'd like you to audition.
I asked this couple what they would like to drink and they leaned toward me eagerly and asked if we still have THE root beer ... Idk if this is code for please add cocaine to my drink
Nope, had to pee on the side got violated by tall grass. Then someone came around the corner and I had to stop mid pee to dive into the car.. Pants down
The compounded multi day delayed hangover hit me hard today, with a vengeance normally reserved for large objects that go in my ass. I don't feel good.
Dude, she set my Tinder preference to men, set the radius to 100 miles, and used up all of my right swipes. I think she's mad.
That's actually very serious....I really do think of you whenever is see pizza
Yep. The ghost of my sex life is in your house.
MAGGIE IS ON MY COUCH PETTING AN HONEST TO CHRIST ARMADILLO AND SOBBING INTO HOT CHOCHOLATE. WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO TO HER.
Grandma had me open the boxes that were delivered today. She got a sex swing, I've settled on "You go girl" as my official reaction.
Randomize
