I puked the same amount of times as the number of bars i went to last night
so he shaved. down there. and before he took his pants off i thought it was hot but then all i could think about were the naked mole rats from 7 grade science class.
dude. how can brian from family drink at fucking bars? he's a dog and definitaly doesn't have pockets.
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
i think its awesome that according to your mom i'm your friend that caught on fire.
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
You were offering to spell people's name for a dollar.
i took my sailor hat off and used it as a vom bucket
Is asking my 8-year-old brother if he will make us shot glasses in his ceramics class too far?
You took it upon yourself to rid the world of them, and by that I mean you dressed up as Batman and started kicking them in the shins.
I know you're gay. But if I'm not getting dick, then you have to. That's what friends do.
30% sure Kevin and I just adopted a cat. Talk to me when the sun's up but I really feel like that's a thing.
I had a sex dream about Fox Mulder, and the Royals just won the World Series. My life is complete.
I DONT WANT YOUR DICK. I WANT BRUNCH.
It's sunday night and I just went to the store to buy cookie dough and condoms, I'm so proud of myself.
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