She punched me in the face after i pulled it out and grabbed my cell phone. Ill be the one hiding in the bushes with one shoe.
I realized today that the only reason you made out with Travis is because he has nice teeth
so after morning sex, she rolled a joint and turned on sports center
you might have found the rare bro goddess. i thought they were myth
new revelation: five guys for breakfast
new revelation: previous revelation not a good revelation
Well if I am having twins, at least I'll finally have 2 kids by the same father.
My own vomit just splashed me in the face. How's your day going
I think it's a friendship ring and the other part is on his cats collar
He scratched off my spray tan. Literal nail marks down my back. Can't imagine what's underneath his fingernails.
I am sitting here. Drinking from a bottle of vodka. Eating shredded cheese from a bag and waiting on him to pick me up after he finishes with his girlfriend. This is what dreams are made of.
What is their policy on bow ties and belligerence?
My roommate just walked in on him eating me out ..happy finals week right?
Like I'm getting finger banged and my family is making cookies in the kitchen. Talk about terrifying
like, by the end of my shift people were asking if I'd sobered up enough to take a drink order yet. that bad.
Yes. I'm realizing that sports games are good reasons to drink. I just cheer when everyone else cheers.
Congratulations! We have a period
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