They've started ranking girls from "paper-bag" to "I just came." Please come get me
Avril Lavigne as a judge on Idol wearing devil ears. it's like every boner you ever had in 2002 just came true.
Wife passed out. Doing shots with the hot bartender... Don't tell me I don't know how to celebrate a 1yr anniversary
I'll be honest, not actually surprised to find half a Big Mac box and bits of broken security glass by the sofa.
i know and i thought i was only capable of loving dick and drugs, im so happy
They can't keep moving my court date back, i dont know if I'll survive another one of these going away to jail parties.
Seriously just confirmed via our bathroom scale that a keg weighs 170lbs
You were on shrooms and "the trees are crazy green!" is all you could manage.
I don't think I can look at him the same way anymore after he walked in my room wearing a short skirt with a boner.
Fate is real! that hot chick, Megan just showed up dressed as jasmine and I'm dressed as Aladdin this is going to be cake
Thought I was doing makeup today for a photo shoot for a short film. WRONG. Try I'm on the set for a Fucking Sci-Fi PORN.
I was 100% done.. I used my vibrator while eating cold pizza. Shit was magical.
all of these bad things happened because I didn't bring a shower beer.
So I just got motorboated by my grandma…
Give me one good reason why I should go with you.
Free beer.
..pick me up at 8.
Randomize
