I called Tyra Banks a whore to her face. A sure sign I should go home. Instead I went to the gay bar.
i just walked by a road side game of beer pong? it's gonna be a long day
Dude we got so high last night. I said "watch this" threw a goldfish cracker in the toilet, and laughed my ass off. We watched the dvd menu for 30 minutes too.
you were making out, puked over his shoulder and insisted everything was okay
I feel like when purchasing hard liquor on a Monday I also need to buy a happy 21st bday card to not seem so pathetic
I think that's mostly how we became friends.
Well that, and your desire to put your penis in me.
I mean I'm screaming I love the gays in the middle of Bart so yeah
it still weirds me out that Robin Thicke is Alan Thicke's son
He took my virginity but also my remaining pizza. i dont know how to feel right now.
My sheer presence has sent the hipsters running in terror. I expect no problems.
He asked me for a pic so I sent him a pic of my boyfriends dick.
there’s plenty of nice guys out there with good jobs and NO felonies!
I knew my sister shouldn't have gone to the bacherlotte party. Two of the other brides maids have black eyes and my fiancé called me and asked if this is the crazy she's marrying
I have the WORST hangover. Pretty sure my liver fell out while taking a dump. THAT bad.
I JUST SAW MY THERAPIST OUTSIDE OF WORK AND I DONT KNOW THE ADULT THING TO DO
Randomize
