this guy literally just gave me a gold star sticker for the "stellar" blow job i gave him. ashamed? i think not.
Apparently everytime he put me down to bed I escaped out the window, I faintly recall climbing into the canoe in the back yard, and air paddling.
I'm a lady, I can't pee on the ceiling. Even I don't have that power.
Mitt romney looks like a fantastic lover (full disclorsure: im 76% vodka right now)
Made out with a chick in front of a girl I'm banging and successfully reDENNISed her within 9 hours
I haven't been hungover in so long I'm actually looking forward to it
Well the good news is ill probably have my new boobs by the time he sees me naked
We smoked weed. AS A FAMILY. IT WAS BEAUTIFUL.
I've faked every orgasm I've ever had, I think I can fake being sick for 8 hours.
I WAS SURROUNDED BY HAIRY BALLS ALL ALONE.
His condition for us having sex was that I wore my show boots. #equestrianproblems
Well I kept shouting "you're groovy" at him and then I had a 15-minute argument with the bouncer about how many 9s there are in 100... it was definitely time to go home.
Bug bite on my vagina. I think we need to stop this 'sex in awesome places campaign.'
I will bring Jesus to court if he punishes me for that
Saddle up bitches, we're going to an orgy.
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