Yeah I'm pretty sure at one point I was telling her to keep her dick in her pants. She was going to do some serious damage.
I just typed 14 shots of Smirnoff into my calorie count toolbar. Then typed pole dancing 1.5hrs into the calorie burner search. Should break even.
You're always adorable, but when you're drunk, you're like Chia Pet adorable.
I think I'm finally maturing. I'm happy he found someone. Good for him. I sincerely hope she doesn't choke on his tiny penis.
He busted his lip while trying to keep from passing out in the pool. The hotel people don't seem to be too concerned that we're passing around a bottle of SoCo at 11 am.
In mid-threesome, need more condoms. Wearing a sheet to the gas station. I'll keep you posted
it is a toga and you are a goddess.
Too lazy to make dinner. Had chocolate and scotch instead. Check in with me in a half hour.
I thought he was walking around the front. I just hit and run my booty call. I'm the worst non girlfriend ever
Peanut butter fills the cracks of my heart
I didn't know your ex looked like a male Khloe Kardashian?
Watching boy meets world, drinking left over pink panty droppers and coloring in a my little pony coloring book. This is my Monday night
You cannot meet up with him at the tailgate, his parents are there. What are you going to say "Hi I'm the one who fucks your son, can I get a cheeseburger?"
the reputation of my dick game is on the line. You're killing the team, here, G
I stepped in puke last night then washed it off my shoe with beer. Is there a grace period to respect before wearing them to class?
I love everything about him! His penis, his hair, his tattoos, his penis, his cat, his penis.
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