it's like i warped into dreamland and the only thing that makes sense is my solo cup
and then you went into taco bell without pants...and surprisingly you weren't the only one there without pants
i had to apologize to my friends for being friends with me
No. I didn't know. I thought mid afternoon shots meant the day could only get better.
Making jello shots drunk, i apologize ahead of time if they are too strong Can't taste anything.
I know. he thinks we're 'meant to be'. No we're fucking not. God wouldn't give my soulmate a pencil dick.
Watched twin sisters make out thought it was amazing sick on their part but legit to watch
Just used my flashlight app to find a gummy lifesaver I dropped on the floor
I like how you're utilizing your resources
but you were the sluttiest panda there and you need to embrace it
Funny how the post-sex UTI lasted longer than the entire relationship.
Idk if I should be worried or amused that my autocorrect changes the word STD to DTF.
Okay well for one he didn't speak any english but before any happened he made me use the translator to consent
He just got out of surgery, almost died from shooting him self with an arrow.
The kid with the ed hardy shirt put a bunch of random shit in the washer and turned it on. example: a hanger, the movie Chocolate with Johnny Depp, and your mom's cat
So were driving two hours to go to a club and Charles packed me a sippy cup full of tequila. He thinks of everything!
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