No she wasnt mad! I told her that I "mis-remembered" nailing her friend.
Whenever he makes me dinner its always mini things.. cheeseburgers, corndogs.. is he preparing me for something?
I bet a guy could be masturbating under the table now and people would just think he was clapping along.
Our hot neighbor just came over and asked for a toilet plunger...not so hot anymore
This theraflu would make for a great margarita.
I can make a sudafedarita
OH GOD NOT SANTA BABY. NO NO NO. YOU'RE LIKE 85. OMG MULTIPLE WOMEN. NO NO NO STAHP.
I had another sex dream about you but it was very dissatisfying. As you finished you starting singing the star spangled banner. then you left. I was not amused.
Would it be appropriate to cancel a hookup to watch the golden globes?
absolutely. tina fey and amy poehler trump everything.
So I got this new job… ever been fucked in a corner office before?
He's standing in the corner rubbing his nipples and reflecting on poor life choices
I couldn't read the menu. I ordered the first thing I was able to read. Don't think I ate anything. Left $20 on the table.
Dad literally changed the channel from an episode of Big Bang Theory to another episode of Big Bang Theory. That's why I hate this show.
the cop found his r2d2 bong and asked me if i ever smoked out of him. i'm like, no sir. he's like ahh. if i were to smoke, it'd definitely be out of some star wars character.
easily made my night.
I'll tell you all about it in person but let's just say the big dick fairy must really like me right now
ps why does my dog smell like popcorn and a dryer sheet..?
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