I blacked out, fell off a swingset, and thought I was Liz Lemon for almost an hour.
Hey I have to teach you how to run in heels before vegas
he urdandictionary'ed 'tease' on his phone and made me read through all the definitions. Am i really that bad?
You slept in the bed with him... with your top off.... and just made out with him....
thank you for tagging me in all my pictures as "skank" and yourself as "made by the hands of God"
Saw someone get laid in the bathroom no one was wearing shoes and I had a parrot on my shoulder...I never want to leave this bar
Apparently campus cops frown on lighting a joint off of the eternal flame on Jerry Falwell's grave...
he pulled a $400 bottle of champagne out of the back part of his toiled and I was ready to blow him then and there
I have their Unicorn picture in my shirt, and I just threw a Bud Light Platinum bottle through their window. We need to go now.
Ok in all seriousness. Alcohol intake is now restricted for me. I found handcuffs in my trunk.
I threw up for like 20 hours. Im gonna be the DD for the next 5 years.
I've made out with more people in 2014 than I did the whole fall semester
his first fb message to me in 3 years was "is your cock open for business?" im blocking him
He obv doesn't know that telling a woman to chill will get him murdered
I woke up with a chicken in my yard
Do you not remember hopping the fence into a chicken coop and screaming "choot em'"like you were on swamp people?
No recollection, can you come help me shut this thing up
I miss all the tiny banana hammocks... When can I go back to ogling? I can do it from a lot farther than six feet without any complaints.
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