Happy Easter!!!
I'm an idiot
is there an easy way to say "i didnt plan on sleeping with you until i saw how drunk you were" ?
you just can't say no to drugs on a mirrored table.
I woke up wearing just my underwear and a headlamp at a different house than I remember passing out at. I told you irish car bombs are not made with an entire guinness.
tan lines, throwing up everclear on the beach, doing lifeguards, tequila...summer.
Where was your thought process?
Drowning in my hangover.
Just had a flashback of dry humping a man lying in the street while Jim (dressed as santa) screams 'HAVE YOU BEEN A GOOD BOY?!'
No, absolutely not. If you see that cunt, throw confetti or eggs at her.
That's a pretty extreme jump from confetti to eggs
Operation "Inform her family she stars in a sadistic lesbian porn film" is in full effect. She picked the wrong guy to cheat on.
Everyone called me "Barf Vader".. And I lost your lightsaber.
We drank vodka and koolaid through a traffic cone. It got rowdy.
I AM A GOOD PERSON AND THEREFORE I DESERVE QUALITY DICK!
HE PUT A HOLE. IN. MY. HOUSE!!!
You stumbled in the door as high as a kite, & ran into the table. I asked you if you were all right. You replied with "I don't have any soup."
I will feel awake by 6 pm
Are we not meeting until 6?
No I'm just saying thats usually when my body knows it's time to party
Randomize
